One Week
by Kimmeth
Summary: It only took one week for the Death Eaters to become extremely unwelcome at Malfoy Manor. Lucius tells us why…Rated for insinuations in later chapters. Complete.
1. Monday

_Summary: _It only took one week for the Death Eaters to become extremely unwelcome at Malfoy Manor. Lucius tells us why…Rated for insinuations in later chapters.

_Disclaimer: _None of the characters or specific places mentioned belong to me. I am not JK Rowling. Nor am I Lucius Malfoy. DH spoilers of a sort.

_A/N: _Seven short stories (around 350-400 words), one for each day of the week, each focusing on a different Death Eater. All already written.

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_One Week_

_Monday_

"LUCIUS! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY WAND?"

I groaned and sank beneath the surface of the water to block out the sound of the bathroom door crashing open and Narcissa entering with a face like thunder. This respite was to be short-lived however, as she reached in and yanked me bodily upright. I felt extremely vulnerable.

"Where is my wand?" she growled. " I left it on the bed and now it's gone. You are the only person in the house without one."

"Why does that automatically mean I've taken it?"

"Because which idiot needs two wands?"

"How about the Dark Lord? He's got his and mine! Anyway, I do not have your wand, Ciss."

We glared at each other for a while, the argument continuing mentally if not verbally.

"Well, at least help me look for it," she said eventually.

"Can't I finish…" I began, but tailed off at the murderous glint in her eye. A few minutes later though, a fresh dispute had begun.

"Ciss, there is no need to take my robes because you think I stole your wand. That's just petty."

"I haven't!" she exclaimed. "There were on the bed a minute ago."

"Well they didn't exactly move themselves!" Then it struck me. Someone with a penchant for tidying up without being asked or indeed wanted to. "Rookwood," I said, and we took off from the room.

"Dad? Why are you running round the house in a towel?" asked Draco, joining us as we careered down the stairs.

"Because the one we know as Rookwood has made off with my robes."

"And my wand!" added Narcissa.

"Now you mention it," said Draco, "I can't find my odd sock collection anywhere."

"Lucius," said Rodolphus, coming out of the guest room. "Have you seen Bella's…"

"I don't know what Bella's lost, I'm not quite sure I want to for that matter, but I know someone who does." We finally came to a stop in the kitchen. "Look, Augustus, we've talked about this," I sighed. "I know you have a thing about untidiness, but please don't tidy up whilst you're here. At all."

Augustus looked sheepish and the others swarmed to the pile of possessions on the kitchen table. I could tell it was going to be a long week, and I hadn't even had breakfast…

_A/N:_ Yes, I am aware Lucius has more than one set of robes, Draco probably doesn't have an odd sock collection and Rookwood probably isn't an OCD tidier…But review despite these minor discrepancies please!


	2. Tuesday

**Disclaimer: **Much as I would like to, I own nothing but the idea.

_Tuesday_

_Scrape. Swish. Thud._

Narcissa looked up. This pattern of sounds had been going on for the past half an hour and it was beginning to grate on our nerves slightly.

"What on Earth is going on in there?" she asked, jerking her head towards the kitchen, from which the noise was emanating.

"Macnair. He wanted to sharpen his axe."

"Why? It's not as if he particularly needs it now."

"I believe he enjoys using it to strike fear into the hearts of those he is about to maim and kill."

"Can't he do it quietly?"

Evidently not, I thought as some more sounds joined the rhythm.

_Scrape. Swish. Thud. BANG. Splat… 'Oh dear.'_

Narcissa and I looked at each other in fear and bolted for the kitchen.

"Macnair," said Narcissa, and I could tell she was trying very hard not to scream. "Why is the kitchen covered in orange?"

The kitchen was indeed covered in orange. In fact, it was so covered in orange, said orangeness was dripping from the ceiling onto the head of one Walden Macnair. He stood in the centre of the room with his axe in one hand and his wand in the other, looking a little perplexed.

"I didn't mean for that to happen," he began. "I was testing the sharpness on pumpkins, you see." He indicated the neat pile of pumpkin halves by the back door. "And I came across an exploding one by accident. And well…"

"It exploded," I finished. He nodded

"Well, that's a very sad tale," said Narcissa. "But do you think you could possibly do something about the fact I have exploding pumpkin running down my walls?"

"Oh. Yes. Certainly. Erm…_tergeo! Scourgify! Evanscoe! Wingardium Leviosa!_"

Nothing seemed to work. Walden shook his wand, showering us with pumpkin juice.

"I think it's got pumpkin in the core," he said gloomily. "Can't you do something Ciss?"

"Of course." Narcissa waved her wand and a bucket of water and a scrubbing brush appeared in front of Walden. She disapparated in a huff.

"Lucius?" pleaded Walden. I held up my hands in defeat.

"Sorry my friend. No wand."

I left Walden to his cleaning, wondering if my house was ever going to be the same again.


	3. Wednesday

**Disclaimer:** Yeah, they aren't mine. I am but a poor student living off porridge in a basement in Bradford. This is a lie. I am a poor student but I don't live in Bradford and I hate porridge.

**A/N:** I know it seems all the action is taking place in the kitchen at the moment, but we will soon move to other rooms.

_Wednesday_

A piercing scream ripped through the manor.

"RAT!"

I recognised the shrill shriek as Narcissa's and, hating the illegal animagus with as much passion as I could muster, went to the now orange-stained kitchen. Narcissa was standing on a chair, pointing her wand at a large and extremely ugly brown rat.

"Ciss," I said, lifting her back onto the floor. "You should know by now that uninvited rodents are not, in fact, uninvited rodents, but a certain uninvited individual by the name of Peter Pettigrew. Let me demonstrate." I took her wand and waved it at the rat. Nothing happened. That meant…

"REAL RAT!" she screamed, jumping up onto the table this time.

"Did I hear rats mentioned?" asked Wormtail, appearing in the kitchen. His eager smile faded as I pointed Narcissa's wand at him.

"Friend of yours?" I asked, indicating the rat, which was now chewing at the pumpkin-impregnated wallpaper.

"Percival!" exclaimed Wormtail, picking up the rat. "What have you done to him?"

"What have we done to him?" shrieked Narcissa. "He's vermin! Filthy! Diseased! In my kitchen! Eating my walls!"

"Percival is not any of those things! Neither is Polly nor Petal nor…"

"There are more of them?" I yelped, only just managing to stop myself leaping onto the table with Narcissa. "Wormtail, however many rats are in this house at the moment, I want them all dead in the next five seconds or I shall include you in that number!"

"What?" cried Wormtail, clutching Percival close to him. "That's a mass-extermination! That's genocide! That's rodentist!"

"All rats…out of house…now…including you…" Narcissa spluttered incoherently.

Wormtail stormed out of the kitchen. From various places within the house a high pitched squeaking and scurrying could be heard, until there was finally silence.

"Ciss, you can let go of my shoulder now," I said. She was cutting off the circulation in my arm.

"There, you've driven them all into the cold. I hope you're happier now," sniffed Wormtail.

"Infinitely," said Narcissa weakly.

"Wormtail," I growled. "No uninvited rodents. Ever."

"One day," added Narcissa under her breath, "I shall put him in the most inhumane rattrap I can find."

I couldn't agree more.


	4. Thursday

**Disclaimer: **The characters do not belong to me. I plan to kidnap them...

This is the start of the M rated stuff.

_Thursday _

_Thump. Thump. Thump. _

The noise was coming from the living room at such a volume I was half-afraid that the whole house would start shaking violently.

"What's going on?" moaned Draco. "My bedroom floor is vibrating! How am I supposed to concentrate on my schoolwork with that incessant thumping?"

"Draco, you don't have any schoolwork. Mostly owing to your headmaster's timely demise," I pointed out.

"It's the principle of the thing," he replied. "What is going on down there?"

_Thump. Thump. Thump. _

I had an extremely good idea as to what was going on, although I didn't see why Bellatrix and Rodolphus felt the need to satisfy their carnal desires in the living room at half past three in the afternoon. Narcissa and Rabastan had already caught them in the act three times during their stay and I held no wish to be the fourth. On the other hand, that they were doing it in my living room when I hadn't had any for over a month just added insult to injury…

"I'm going to investigate," said Draco.

"I really don't think that's a…" I began, but he had disapparated before I could finish. I raised my eyes to heaven and took off down the stairs, cursing the loss of my wand. Halfway I met Draco coming in the opposite direction. He was as white as a sheet.

"Aunt Bellatrix…Uncle Rodolphus…I've been scarred for life," he muttered.

"I did try to warn you," I said.

"I need a lie down." He stumbled back to his bedroom and I felt sure that the ensuing string of expletives could be heard at the Ministry.

"Is he ok?" asked Bellatrix, fastening her robes as she appeared from the living room. "He looked as if he was about to faint."

"I wonder why," I observed dryly.

"Come on Lucius, it's nothing new to him," said Rodolphus. "They're at it like rabbits at his age."

"Don't make me even more depressed," I groaned. My son couldn't be getting more sex than me. Could he? Then I noticed something that lightened the day, if only slightly. "Rod, you're flying low. I can't take anyone who doesn't have their trousers done up seriously." I didn't wait to continue the conversation, instead heading to my study to drown my sorrows.

"Was it something we did?" came Bellatrix's voice. I banged my head against the balustrade. It was definitely not a good week.


	5. Friday

_Disclaimer: _No, none of the characters belong to me. Do I have to do this for every chapter?

_Friday_

It was nine o'clock on Friday evening. A time at which I liked to indulge in a glass or two (or three) of hideously expensive brandy, safe in the knowledge that it was the one thing that Narcissa and Draco, neither being particularly partial to brandy, would not have pilfered. I entered the cellar and paused, noticing that one of the bottles of red wine had gone. I didn't give it much thought, it wasn't of an especially good year and with the number of people coming and going some alcohol was bound to vanish mysteriously. As I went further into the depths however, I found more and more spaces where there should have been wine, champagne and various spirits, including, much to my annoyance, an entire crate of vintage claret I'd been trying to keep secret. Almost at the brandy, I tripped over something soft.

"Whashamatta?" came a slurred voice from the floor. "Shish? Lushiush? Whozat? Lumosh! Lumosh!"

The spell didn't work, no doubt due to the inebriation of the caster. I narrowly dodged having my eye taken out with his wand, grabbed it and cast the spell myself.

"Severus," I said in a pained voice upon seeing the culprit who had drunk all but one bottle of my '94 claret, and lots more vodka, brandy and champers besides.

"Lushiush," said Severus. "I'm teeny bit shtuck. Help?"

It took a while for us to get out of the cellar, as Severus had ingested so much of my booze that he was incapable of putting one foot in front of the other. We met Narcissa at the top of the stairs.

"Are you ok?" she asked. "It never usually takes you an hour to get a bottle of brandy."

I hauled Severus up.

"Get him sober, Ciss."

"How?"

"Use the spell which involves a lot of water at arctic temperatures. It always works on me." I had painful memories of that spell. We managed to drag Severus into the garden, and with a quick incantation a torrent of seawater cascaded onto his head, complete with lumps of ice and a rather surprised cod.

"What the?" began the newly sober Severus.

"How many bottles?" I asked. "I don't want to know why you did it, because I know the anser will be 'I've had a bad day'. How many bottles did you drink?"

He pondered for a while.

"Thirty-two."

I groaned. Now I didn't even have copious amounts of alcohol to help me through the week.


	6. Saturday

**Disclaimer: **I still don't own them, you know. I haven't suddenly gone out and assumed owner's rights over the weekend (or however long it was since I last updated.

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**Saturday**

Lying in bed with Narcissa, hot and ruffled in a post coital haze, I was enjoying a perfect almost-end to a less than perfect week. There were no ominous noises, the room was not covered in pumpkin, I only had to survive one more day before the start of a new week, and I'd finally got my leg over.

"Stop licking my toes," murmured Narcissa. "It tickles."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"Ciss, how can I be licking your toes when your head is resting against my shoulder? I am not that flexible."

"So who's licking my toes?"

We froze and gradually moved apart. Narcissa bent her leg and kicked the mysterious toe-licker ferociously.

"Yeouch!" came a muffled yell from the end of the bed. "Ciss! You broke my nose!" A sheet covered shape rose up before us. Narcissa screamed and pulled the covers up to her chin, causing the identity of our unwanted guest to be revealed.

"RABASTAN!" I roared. "GET OUT!"

"You can't blame me for trying," he muttered, fumbling for his wand to stem the flow of blood from his nose. "Bella and Rod getting it on at every available opportunity, now you two. Can you honestly blame me for wanting a piece of the action?"

"RABASTAN GET OUT BEFORE I POST YOU OUT IN PIECES!"

"Fine. I know when I'm not wanted." He half-jumped, half-fell off the foot of the bed. "I bid you goodnight." He smirked at Narcissa. "I daresay you'll need it Ciss, after that performance. Did you know that faking burns three times as many calories as the real thing?" Rabastan ducked as, deprived of magic, I threw a pillow at his head. "Blimey Lucius, your aim's almost as bad as your..." He was picked up and flung from the room by the force of Narcissa's curse. I heard him groan as he rolled down the stairs. "Not again... Bella's already done that twice..."

I buried my face in the remaining pillows and let out a stifled howl. The week, which had been shaping up quite nicely for the last couple of hours, had just got a Hell of a lot worse, and I doubted this was to be the last thing we suffered.

"Do you think he's ok?" asked Narcissa, completely unconcerned as to the reply.

"With any luck, you killed him." I looked up at her. "Am I really that terrible?"

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**A/N:** Girl power! Narcissa is my favourite character. She deserves the chance to beat someone up! Anyway, reviews please! 


	7. Sunday

**Disclaimer:** You know what I'm going to say by now. JKR owns everyone.

**A/N: **We have reached the end of the week. Lucius breathes sigh of relief in the background Thank you so much to the reviewers and people who put this on favourite and alert, hope you enjoy the last chapter!

**Sunday**

From somewhere deep in the manor, singing could be heard. Out of tune singing, at a volume close to that of an enraged hippogriff. Strange noises, I reflected, rarely meant a good thing, especially given the events of the past week. I set out to investigate, reaching the cellars before I came close to the source of the sound.

"Severus!" I called. "If you've polished off the last of my '94 claret I will not be held responsible for my actions!"

The singing continued, and I opened the door a fraction, only to be struck dumb by what I found...

With a half empty bottle of wine in one hand and a large glass in the other, the Dark Lord himself was dancing around the wine cellar wearing the sort of underwear one would usually consider too pink and lacy for a Dark Lord's taste. I knew that the best thing to do in these circumstances would be to run, but I was frozen to the spot.

"Aargh!" exclaimed the Dark Lord as he turned and saw me. "Lucius! What the Hell are you doing here?"

"This is my house, my Lord," I said, regaining my tongue in a hurry. "I was... my Lord are those Narcissa's knickers?"

"Yes... I mean no! Perhaps! Why are you down here?"

"Brandy," was all I could manage to say in response. If I hadn't needed it before I certainly needed it now.

"Right, erm, here you are."

The Dark Lord selected a bottle from the near-empty rack and handed it over. "Tell Narcissa she has much better taste in intimates than her sister. I never could see the point of gussetless panties. I mean, why wear them at all..."

I beat a hasty retreat at this point. Safely ensconced in the kitchen and ignoring the lingering smell of rotting pumpkin, I uncorked the bottle and took a swig before immediately spitting it back out. I looked at the label to find that, instead of brandy, I'd been given a bottle of magical stain remover. It had been one Hell of a week, and I was left with one conclusion.

The sooner Potter defeated the Dark Lord, the better.

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Ok, we're done here. This is the first chaptered fic I've completed...Give me a final review? 


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